sitting in Meraker for a day of rest forced me to think about some things which hitherto i had been able to suppress. i had planned for a 3-4 month trip. i am now at the end of the 2nd month and i am not even half way - at this rate the snow will have melted and i will be forced to walk the final leg. so i am massively behind schedule. of greater concern to me is the fact that so far there has been less than 500 pounds donated to MAG on behalf of this journey. 500 quid for all the s**t ive been through, im not going to belabour all that has happened thus far, but its been no picnic. before i left UK i read about a kid who raised 2500 for a hedgehog rescue shelter or something, by sleeping in his back garden in a tent for six months

at the present rate, even if i get to Nordkapp this trip will not have raised enough to match what i have spent on it so far, never mind the costs i still have ahead

of course i am grateful to the people who have donated to MAG, and to my expedition account. but if this journey was going to raise a meaningful ammount of money it would have done so by now, and even if i am successfull in getting to the cape then i will face the prospect that this trip has been a failure as a fundraising exercise, i am going to keep heading north, but i am running out of reasons to do so

please dont anyone write in and try to bullshit me, theres nothing i hate more than platitudes and false optimism

went from Stordal to Meraker this morning - it felt like no distance at all, and i was there in no time, hunted for a freebie place to stay for two nights but to no avail, so im in a cheap motel/boarding house - cant be lucky every time. but the guy at the sportshop did a quick wax job on my skis for free, so - win some loose some

taking a day off is hard, right now i feel fine and rested, aside from the shoulder i would be perfectly happy about moving tomorrow. but i know i should take a rest day every so often or the wheels will come off, and i have been on the move for six days now so it is high time. but with nothing to do tomorrow the prospect is not appealing. i have nothing to read, nothing to watch, no one to talk to. the only activity i have to look forward to is washing my clothes in the shower and drying them on the radiator

apparently there is no chemist in Meraker so i cant get any more ibuprofen, less than half a dozen left - should i save them, or limit myself to one a day and then go without until i can get a resupply, im not particularly bothered though, i dont really like taking them. i know i can take the pain if it comes to it, its just annoying in the evenings when i go to reach for something or scratch my head with the gammy arm and i cant make it so i have to use the other

with nothing to do tomorrow but forced rest i am not happy, i will try and have a lie in but i know that i wont be able to, all i want to do is lie in bed and watch tv, you may find it pathetic but if i have to spend a day resting then thats how i want to do it and i cant

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how can i ever convey how hard the last two days skiing were. unless you have been alone in the mountains by yourself you can never know the sheer madness of the last 48 hours

sitting in the warmth away from the wind and snow i can remember the frustration and anguish which ive been through, but it seems almost unreal, as if it happened to another person. Ian Flemming wrote that the mind has no memory for pain - a person may experience intense pain which drives it to the edge of madness, but from the comfort of retrospect it is impossible to remember the sensation

when i left the farm i headed up the other side of the valley, following a snow scooter track. however, eventually the track ran out and i had to choose my own route between the trees as the hill got steeper and the trees got more dense, eventually i was having to shoulder my way between them through waist deep snow up a very steep incline. unless you have tried it this is harder than you can possibly imagine, i screamed and raged every time i fell down, fighting to stay on my feet and claw my way uphill. forcing myself up the steep slope was an agony of aching muscles and joints, with every inch contested and fought for - this was taken after i got out of the trees

the weather looked good, i had gotten above the tree line, and i thought the worst was over for the day - que more wind

i have already described the effects of high wind, but this surpassed anything i have experienced so far, when i got up to the top of the pass i was forced to take off my skis and stumble down the other side of the valley to the relative shelter below, the rest of the day was ok apart from a couple of river crossings, and i reached an empty DNT cabin just as dusk was falling

the next day was unreal, the weather went in short order through every possible condition, from sunshine and no wind, to whiteout blizzard and gale, the only mercy was that it was relatively warm (i.e. above -5) and there were sticks in the snow to follow - without these i would have turned back as the visibility was so bad through much of the day, that it would have been impossible to navigate.

it was flat light skiing - flat light is a condition which makes it impossible to see the ground - the light is white, the ground is white, because the light is so diffused by the clouds and reflected by the snow there is no shadow, no horizon, no sky, only white - its like being in sensory deprivation. skiing uphill is ok, but downhill is like trying to ski with your eyes closed - no way i can describe the frustration you feel each time you fall over, or the will it takes to get back up each time

anyway - now its over for one more day, ive found a farmer who has offered to let me stay the night, he doesnt speak much english but he seems like a gentle soul, and i am very grateful for his kindness. tomorrow i will head for Meraker, and if im lucky i will find a place where i can rest up for a day & let some of my aching joints and muscles heal - sometimes it feels like ibuprofen is the only thing that is keeping me going - could someone check up to see if there are any side effects to taking it every day, like loosing your mojo or something, cheers - dave

my head was a little fuzzy this morning and so i didnt leave until 09:00 after bidding a fond farewell to the family who had entertained me the night before, the father of the family came to ski with me for a few kilometers up into the mountains - a great cure for a hangover

the snow was deep and fresh, below the tree line it was fine like talcom powder and very hard to make progress in, the painkillers hadnt kicked in yet and my shoulder was letting me know about it. this was the first time i had skiied with anyone else on the whole trip and i found myself enjoying the company. i had decided early on that i wanted to do this trip alone - i figured that i have to be able to rely on myself before i can lead other expeditions and expect others to rely on me, but enjoying the company for the first time today i began to regret this decision

my companion came to say goodbye and we parted ways, a few paces after i turned to see him go, he had turned to do the same and we both waved - a really good guy

i pressed on alone, as i reached the top of the plateau the sun came out, the snow hardened up, and the wind picked up. it was a beautiful days skiing but the wind was strong and the wind chill made it necessary to wear my face mask.

when i came down off the plateau and back into the tree line i met a skier going the other way, he gave me directions and said that he had seen me in the newspaper, later on i met him again with his wife, whilst i was stopping for tea, we talked about the trip and the routes i could take, i offered them some tea, but instead they invited me to come and have dinner at their house nearby - never pass up the opportunity for some grub - they are a splendid couple with a charming son and daughter, and i am staying with them tonight

the couple run a dairy farm up here in the hills, and this evening i went to see the farmer and his wife tending and milking the cows - i had a go at milking, and tasted fresh milk straight out of the cow. its fantastic and i was very excited - when i was a little boy i wanted to be a farmer, and seeing this couple at thier work made me think about how it must feel to make your living from the land

with the good skiing and the friends i am making each day i feel like once again i am enjoying myself

today i walked around to Nordpa, the sun came out for part of the journey but there was snow as well, at some points i stripped down to my thermal top, and at others i had to put everything back on and put my hood up to keep the snow from out of my collar.

at midday i began the climb from out of the valley, up and over the hills to my destination for the evening, there was a fine view of the valley once i reached the heights and i began to think about my journey and what it meant, why i was doing it and what i hoped to achieve

there have only be very few times in my life when i have felt at peace - most of the time it feels like something is not right - i dont know what. one of the times i remember feeling something good going on, was during the commando course, it was the first time in my life when my entire being was focused on one goal - and nothing else mattered. every fibre of my mind body and soul was being bent towards being the best, passing that course and getting the green beret - all other priorities were rescinded

i was thinking about this and about how it feels to focus your entire being on one mission, and i realised that actually i felt pretty good about what i was doing - previously i had felt like i was experiencing an exercise in suffering, every day was pain and suffering and privation with no end in sight - but actually it was pretty good

maybe im not articulate enough to convey this particularly well, but i can sum it up by saying that i am a man on a mission - and it feels right

when i reached Nordpa after my epiphany i was invited to stay with a family i met while asking for directions - they were staying in thier cabin for the winter holidays. they plied me with beer and strong irish coffee, at intervals in the evening  more friends and relatives from cabins around the valley would join us and more and more drinks were passed round, all of them were very friendly and many of them spoke excellent english. we talked about music, Norwegian history, and i had many questions about my journey, but by the end of the evening i was possibly a little drunk - what an end to the day, what amazing hospitality, and how lucky have i been in the people i have met on this trip

when i was a little boy i had several books about dinosaurs, i knew all the names and the periods that they came from and what they ate and stuff like that, there was a dinosaur called a stegosaurus which had two brains - one in the hips, for controlling its legs and walking and one in the head for thinking - or as close as a stegosaurus came to thinking

thats how i have become. i can switch off and let my mind wander now while i let my legs do the walking. sometimes if i stop to check the map,  or my watch, when i put it away i cant remember if i was standing still while i was doing it or if i just kept walking at the same time.

while im on the move i think about stuff - i have conversations with people in my head, i think about my past and some of the things ive done, i think about some of the things i could do, i think about some of the women i have known - and a few i would like to know

i covered over 35 km today, mainly on roads, a good distance. in the evening as i was walking into a little town and starting to think about finding a place to stay, a guy stopped his car in the road and asked me if i would like to come to dinner - his wife had seen me in the newspaper and then seen me walking past their house so she sent her husband out to fetch me in for some grub. anyway, after giving me a meal they invited me to stay for the night - the first time anyone has stopped me in the street and invited me in - cheers guys

last night the kind lady who had let me stay in the linen closet of the Bergstadens hotel said that i must stay another night, to see the cultural event which is on here this week. so this morning instead of setting off north again i had a lie in. this morning after a leisurely breakfast i had a look around town, i bought a Norwegian woolen thermal top (to replace my green, marine issue riddler suit top - which is now threadbare) and some toothpaste

each purchase was something that i agonised over, was it necessary? could i get it elsewhere for less? could i beg a discount? prices in Norway are very high, a side effect of this being one of the richest countries in the world (per capita) and i am on a very tight budget for the trip - hence my efforts to avoid spending. a night in a DNT cabin costs on average £30, a night in the tent means eating into my ration reserve, with each meal costing about £8, so i am existing largely on the goodwill of the Norwegian people

the cultural event is something to do with horses, and loads of guys have brought their horses from all over Scandinavia to be here, the place is thick with people and stalls selling stuff - after the relative solitude i have had on the trail it is almost bewildering to be surrounded by so many people

for some days i have had problems with my pack, one of the splines of the frame has been digging holes in my back and rubbing through the layers of skin, so today i dismantled it and bent the frame to what should be a more comfortable shape. a journalist who tried lifting pack said that it was at least 40 kg - i dont know how much i am carrying and i dont want to, just like i havent worked out how far ive come or how far there is to go - some things it is best not to know

additional: found a newspaper with an article about me on the back cover - obviously its in Norwegian so i will have to get someone to translate it for me, but it has a big pic of me with my pack on, so i can stand around pretending to read it and peeking over the top to see if anyone has seen. i have been interviewed by journalists en route but this is the first time ive seen anything about the trip, it looks like this one doesnt have the website address included so it probably wont result in any donations, but it it is gratifying to know that someone is taking an interest in what im doing and why

did the first 7 km today on skis, i was skiing beside a railway, and made good time covering the distance in less than an hour. i was tempted to ski along the railway - but i remembered a proverb from the canterbury tales about a deaf indian who did that,  a fox stole his doughnut or something, i couldnt remember exactly - but whatever it was, it wasnt going to happen to me

after feeling the effects of degradation i had been limiting my mileage to less than 30km/day for a little while (kilometerage doesnt really sound quite right, does it), so after about 27km i came to Roros where i had decided to stop for the night

Roros seems like a really nice town, and i would like to spend a couple of nights here, but there is a huge cultural event here this week with loads of horses and people selling stuff, as a non Norge speaker, and being on my own i would feel more more left out of it than ever, and it would be next to impossible to find a free place to stay, as it is i have begged a nights stay in a hotel linen closet, and i count myself lucky (and grateful) to have gotten that much

there are stalls in the streets selling hats and stuff, and when i was wandering around town i came across a norwegian bagpiper (figure that if you can) everyone seems to be wearing lots of fur coats and it made me think of the “fur is murder” lobby - if your gonna say that then you might as well say “leather is murder” and stop wearing shoes. i think its because furry animals are invariably cuter than non furry ones, and folks get uptight about offing something cute - no one screams in horror when someone flips out an alligator skin wallet, but if you told someone that your wallet was made from genuine cat skin, it would probably go down like a lead balloon (imagine if it had a little tail and ears) if someone writes in with a good argument as to why no one should wear or use fur, i will publish it and recant - any takers?

tomorrow there is a ski track which takes me 10 km in the right direction. finding a ski track is like someone handing you mileage on a plate, so i will take it and worry about where to go next when i get there

thanks to all those who have written in with support, the rash on my shoulder has gone, when that happens it only takes 24 hours for the red spots to disappear, but it is a symptom of general degradation. when you are pushing yourself and spending many hours with weight on your shoulders, it can drain the body to the extent where its ability to self repair and recover becomes inhibited. this can be due to lack of sleep, poor diet, or extended periods of exertion.

with my own body i have learned to recognise that when the red spots start to appear on my shoulders its time to take the foot off the pedal, or the wheels will come off soon. 24 hours rest has put a bit more in the bank. another 24 would be ideal but i dont want to waste a rest day in a place where i cant get cable tv, doughnuts, and a bed from which to enjoy them both

i have been keeping a pretty carefull eye on my diet, but just to be sure that lack of vitamin C doesnt become a factor i have started making sure i have either an orange or some juice every day

today i set out from Tynset on skis, there was an unmarked, uncut ski trail heading east-south-east, or a road heading north-east, no contest really, so i tried skiing alongside the road. the temp was +4 and the snow was crappy, so after a while i gave up and started walking - skinorway seems to have become walknorway - all i can do is head north and hope for better conditions and if im faced with a situation like today im not going to ski just for the sake of it

walk walk walk, walk walk walk, oh look heres a nice little town with a hotel, its too early to stop but lets get some grub, eat eat eat, walk walk walk, walk walk walk, sod this im dog tired, let find a place to stop - that is my life, boring isnt it?

finding a place to stop; i have slept in hay barns, in garages, in the tent, in DNT cabins, in a cave, in some very nice hotels for free, and this evening i found a sweet old lady who said i could sleep in her barn, she invited me in for coffee, and after a little while she said i could use the spare room - the kindness i have been treated to in this country is something which still amazes me. i dont necessarily get lucky first time, but if im in a populated area i have never failed to find someone who has given me shelter of some kind. what else can i say